I’m a personal development junkie.  I enjoy learning all the new information that is unfolding in neuroscience, consciousness, quantum physics and psychology. 

It would be remiss of me not to address some of the common mindset pitfalls I have made and want to share them with you.

Mindset is 80% psychology and 20% strategy.  Your mindset can work for you or against you.

Let’s dive into the five critical mistakes holding you back from your progress. 

MISTAKE #1 – POSITIVE AFFIRMATIONS!

When I started using affirmations, I put them on post it notes and placed them on my bathroom mirror.   I would read them twice a day when I brushed my teeth to ingrain them into my being.

A few months later, out of frustration, I ripped the post it notes off the mirror.  I didn’t think it was working because I was still overweight, I still had negative thoughts, my inner bully was actively engaged and I was still screaming at my kids!

What I have come to realize in the last few years is that, I can affirm all I want, but if I don’t deal with the roots of my weight, the start and stop diets, my negative thoughts, negative judgements about myself, others or situations, the affirmations won’t work.  I can’t fool my mind or trick it into believing that I am something else when I am not.  It’s like putting a nice little bandage on a cut without cleaning it out and using some antibiotic ointment.  It can get infected and end up being worse.

That’s what I came to realize about affirmations.  You can’t use it as a bandaid.  You’ve got to get to the root of the problem, look deep into the wound, clear it out, add something else to help the process along and then it will heal.

What you need to do is go deep, wide and long on your ingrained beliefs before using affirmations.  If you have a subconscious belief that you are not capable, not enough, not worthy, not deserving, then saying “I am successful” will not change your subconsicous beliefs and patterns.   It might even have the opposite effect.  I can reinforce the negative belief which leads to more frustration, disappointment, stress and anxiety.

Once you have unearthed the disempowering beliefs, you can create affirmations that are personal, meaningful and emotionally charged, then it will work!

Much like tuning into a radio station, you can raise the frequency and volume on your confidence channel to overcome the negative thoughts, reduce the sabotage behavioural patterns and move toward your desired results once you have cleared the static.

By all means, use affirmation BUT only after you have become aware of the subconcsious sabotage patterns that are hindering your succeess and have done the work to shift your mind toward the desired reality you want.  The affirmations can then help to reinforce the new neural pathways in the brain.

MISTAKE #2 –  IMPATIENCE

Being stressed, anxious and overwhelmed for decades kept me in this loop of rushing myself to get things done, including rushing through processes to make changes to my mindset.  I was impatient.  If I didn’t see results right away or within a short span of time, I wanted to give up.

I would set unrealistic expectations to change my eating habits, weight loss, communication and even business goals.

When I began using meditation, I would expect it to work right away.  I became disappointed and frustrated because I couldn’t calm my racing mind or thoughts kept popping into my head.

Once I realized that this was a practice that needed to be repeated daily in order to train my brain over a period of time, I started to relax about it. I learned to be compassionate with myself and to do my best every day, then I began to see the effects and benefits.

Also, it’s not something you can do once or for a few days.  It needs to become a part of your daily routine in order to make lasting changes.

MISTAKE #3 – FEAR OF FAILURE

You may have heard the saying, feel the fear and do it anyways.  There is a reason for this and I can explain it to you.

Failing doesn’t feel good, right?  It’s painful, it’s uncomfortable and can be debilitating.  It is because it’s uncomfortable that we distract ourselves away from the necessary emotion to ease the pain.

What we need to understand is that pain, discomfort is really a survival mechanism, a wonderful mechanism that is telling us to pay attention.  Pay attention to what is uncomfortable and why.  Pay attention to your hand on the hot stove and what happens if you keep it there for a long time and why it happens.

If you hold yourself back from feeling fear, you are also holding yourself back from learning what you can about the mistake.  Learning makes us wiser.  We can’t learn if we don’t fail or make mistakes.

When we become fearful, we can distract ourselves or dull the pain with substances, food, scrolling on our phones, but in the end, you are making it worse by delaying dealing with the perceived fear which is usually not a real threat.

If you want to wait until the “perfect” time to make changes, you are going to be waiting a long time and then it might be too late.

Failing or making a mistake is teaching us what not to do so that we do better next time.

As Human Beings, we were meant to grow, develop and reach our potential.  The only way to do this is getting outside our comfort zone.  You get uncomfortable because it’s new, your brain thinks it’s a threat to your survival.  But we know logically and intuitively that it’s not a threat.  That’s why feeling the fear and doing it anyways trains your brain that the threat is not real, it’s safe to move toward your desired direction.

MISTAKE #4 – DWELLING ON PAST MISTAKES

Do past mistakes haunt your thoughts, preventing you from moving forward?

Dwelling on past mistakes and failures only creates a perpetual cycle of self-doubt, further delays starting to make changes, beating yourself up about not starting or stopping, can only slow down your progress and waste time.

The past is over!  There’s nothing you can do about except learn from it and let it go.   

Acknowledge the past mistakes and failures, but don’t allow them to define how you want your life to be in the future. 

Don’t waste your time, energy and effort on ruminating on your shortcomings.  Remind yourself that you are human and it is a strength to let go.

Validate yourself each time you take a small step toward your future self and your future desires.  Celebrate when you drink 3 glasses of water a day.  You’re making progress and 3 glasses is a start toward the 8 you truly desire.  Celebrate not eating potatoe chips and reaching for fruit instead.  Celebrate making 5 calls to prospects.  Celebrate making your bed in the morning.  Celebrate completing your workout.

Acknowledge each effort that you are making along the way.  This releases a chemical called dopamine in your brain which helps you feel motivated, satisfied and pleased. Dopamine also helps your memory.  It helps you remember how good it felt to eat healthy, make the calls and complete a workout.  So keep those dopamine hits going throughout the day by praising yourself a few times throughout the day rather than scrolling on your phone.

MISTAKE #5 – COMPARING YOURSELF TO OTHERS

It’s easy to fall into the trap of comparison.  We are constantly measuring our progress against others.  We see that others may be doing things better and faster than we are. We start to criticize ourselves and how don’t measure up.  This erodes our confidence, our reason, our why, and our motivation.

Comparison is the thief of joy and only gives you reason not to succeed.

Look at the positives, the progress you are making in relation to yourself.  Compare yourself to where you were yesterday, a month ago, a year ago and focus on what is going right for you.  Focus and be happy where you are today.  You have a roof over your head, food in the fridge, clothes and money in the bank, your less stressed and stopped snapping at the kids the other day.  Maybe you even starting being more playful.

You want more and that’s good, but be happy with what you have right now.  This is the only way to create a pull toward your desired result rather than pulling you back toward your old self.

It took me at least 2 years to end the chronic state of stress, anxiety and overwhelm.  Once I learned to become patient with myself, recognizing that I had 5 decades of subconscious patterns to change, I relaxed and let the process work.  Each layer, each pattern had to be worked on before the next layer and pattern would be uncovered.

In 2015, I was diagnosed with ADHD.  It took me a few years to figure out what worked for me through trial and error.  I knew that what I went through, what I have experienced and all the things I have accomplished in my lifetime is unique to me.  Comparing myself to others was a waste of time because I do things differently, I learn differently and think differently.

I looked at the effort and progress I was making and how much better I felt.  I no longer have suicide ideation, imposter syndrome or panic attacks.  And if they do appear, the intensity is dimished.

Self acceptance of your uniqueness, showing compassion toward yourself for being human and forgiving yourself are key.

Mastering your mindset requires recognizing and avoiding these common mistakes. By addressing them head-on, you pave the way for personal growth, resilience, and success.

I have a question for you:

What is one thing that you can do today to move toward mastering your mindset in business, career, life and leadership?

Le me know you enjoyed this article by telling me what stood out for you, what action you are going to take in the comments section below. 

If you are interested in learning about what your sabotage patterns might be and to find out how to get to the root causes, reach out to me, Liz Jakoi, and book a complimentary 30 min consultation.